Sometimes

''You know, sometimes in life all you have are f*cked up, poisonous choices'' Rosalyn-

That's a quote from one of my favorite movies American hustle.  

That quote really resonates with me. More then once in life I have felt that way when presented with certain options or choices. All the stuff I keep reading about in the news it make one question where they stand on a lot of topics. Who or what side do you choose. Everything seems so divided these days. you are either for the left or your with the right wing conservatives.  

Leaves a person like me stuck somewhere in the middle because I choose nether side. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who feels like both of  these groups are filled with extremist nut jobs!. They have some views I agree with but both are overall way to extreme in their views on most topics. The people in these groups seems to have one thing in common I've noticed. You are either with them in their views or they see you as being against them. There's absolutely no middle ground!.  

Growing up I would have been classified by others as a left wing supporter. This was usually the generally assumption of most because of the fact that I was a punk rocker and a free thinker. 
I myself never supported the left, just as I have never supported the right. I often think both groups have interesting and sometimes powerful views I may agree with, but they ruin it by either verbally executing it the wrong way or putting people in charge who have absolutely no brains, people skills or compassion!. Take the current Trump administration. I never voted them in. I knew right away by the way he spoke he would be trouble. I don't think I've ever seen the country as divided as I do now. 

I remember right after 9/11 everyone wanted to crack down on illegal immigrants/ immigrants in general. We all wanted to tighten the borders as well as the people flying into this country. We wanted better screening done on anyone coming here. Not just the people in office but we the people wanted it to. We all felt vulnerable. I don't think I ever saw so many American flags in windows, cars and anywhere else you could put them.  I remember thinking the new found love for the country by everyone felt so fake. I remember poir to 9/11 so many were burning the American flag and openly talking sh*t about this country. I've always had love for my country. Didn't need 9/11 to make me feel it. I'm first generation American born in my family. My dad wasn't from here he was born and raised in Budapest. After the war broke out in his country he was shot in the leg after he took to the streets with a gun to fight back. After he got shot he was then brought to a refugee camp I believe in Austria and it was there that he was asked if he wanted to come here to America or go back home. He decided to come here cause he was 19 and in his own words didn't know better. My dad was in training to go to the Olympics the day the war broke out. So when he came here he was able to go to college to learn English on a athletic scholarship. My dad always regretted coming here. That's life though you make choices and hope in the end they are the best ones. In the end he moved back to his county some years ago. All that aside he always instilled in me and my brothers and sisters that we were Americans first and for most. I remember times where people would ask me my heritage and I would proudly say Hungarian. My dad was always quick to interject and say ''No, you are American born, Hungarian decent!.'' He always wanted us to take pride in our country. He was always quick to say this is your country.  

So it's no surprise that I am proud to be an American. It seems though if you say that you are automatically called a trump lover or a bigot.  Why?, I'm sorry are only right wing conservatives and bigots the only ones allowed to have pride in this country, lol. I love this country but it's the politicians and the left / right wing extremist that are f*cking this country up. I'm tired of the 1% rich white politicians doing sh*t in this country that the white poor majority have to deal with!. Sh*t that 90% of us don't even agree with. Like when the Trump administration decided to separate kids from their parents at the borders. I was never given a vote in that, but I got sh*t for it just the same. Why because trump is white and when he speaks everyone not white thinks he's speaking for and carrying out the views and orders of all white people of this country! Regardless if you are a white person like me who disagrees with it.  A few weeks ago when it was in the news everyday. I said to a few of my friends watch somehow I'll be targeted for this.  No more then 5 days in to them playing voice recordings of the kids crying for their parents I was coming home from the store and I live in a low income area. Some like to refer to as a ghetto! I was walking up the block to my apartment and there was a Mexican guy coming down the block. 
I really didn't pay him any attention. There's a small alleyway where the garbage cans are. Basically there's a gate right. you open the gate and there's a short walkway/ alleyway that is closed off on both sides as it leads up to the house I live in. On one side there's a wall and the other there's a gate where the garbage cans sit.  I stopped to move the cans to the street so they would get picked up. This dude stopped and was standing in front of the gate staring me down.  Hardcore grilling me with dirty looks I decided to pay him no mind.
 I continued to move one of the cans towards the gate. He moved aside but was still standing there staring me down like as if to try and get a reaction out of me.  I only moved one can when I had three to move cause as soon as I went back into the walkway he started approaching the gate again blocking me in. I felt very uneasy like he was gonna do something but was maybe waiting for a good opportunity. I went up the stairs to the house and went inside. 
I'll admit the size of the dude was intimidating. he wasn't much taller then me but was freaking built. Big arms. And just staring at me with pure anger. That's the sh*t people don't understand the media is doing. Or should I say that's the sh*t people can't decipher the difference between when watching the news. The ideas of our president doesn't necessarily reflect mine!.  For all that man knew I could be an undercover agent for missing and exploited children!. 

Then you got the left wing extremist that by trying to make things ''equal and fair'' Actually step on anyone's point of view that isn't their own! Two years ago I was taking classes at BMC and one of the white teachers wanted to discuss the black lives matter movement.  A few people had voiced their opinion and I raised my hand to voice my. I said something to the effect of shouldn't all lives matter and she wigged out and was yelling at me to stop talking, saying I'll have none of that in my class.  I replied none of what?!?! She was then like stop talking or I'll be forced to remove you.   Everyone was pretty bugged out . It was a very diverse class too.  That's the sh*t  that pisses me off we're gonna have a discussion  as long as I only say ''politically correct'' sh*t, Gotcha!  As long as I sit there like a puppet and just go along with everyone else. That isn't never going to happen! I have my own mind and opinions and will voice them. You don't have to agree with what I have to say but stop trying to stomp out anyone who goes against the grain! 

And that is exactly why I am not a left or right wing person. I don't even like discussing politics but as you get older it pulls you in one way or another. Even if that pulling is more of being dragged in.  

You know what I'm finding more and more as I get older. I see all these people screaming for diversity and out of the box thinking, but then when it comes along they feel the need to gang up on the person and brow beat them into their way of thinking. It's not until till they themselves wake up and finally see what you always saw that they then change their opinion!.  

It's like back in the day when I was heavily in to the punk life style and music. I had people all the time. Some were friends and family that wanted to convert me in to a more mainstream life style. Now all these years later people can't incorporate/appropriate  the punk rock style enough into their clothing and hair especially!.